


Where did the Good go?

by Bellarke_MGGSM



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Depression, Drug Addiction, F/M, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Suicide, This is in no way shape or form a happy fic, like it’s nothing but tragedy’s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 00:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21365122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellarke_MGGSM/pseuds/Bellarke_MGGSM
Summary: Clarke feels empty. She's sitting on her bathroom floor, her hair a mess and half naked. There’s an empty bottle of pills in the corner of the room and pills spread out all over the bathroom floor. She knew that this was all because of him. She swore she was never touching the pills again.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 71





	Where did the Good go?

**Author's Note:**

> Why can't I write something that's not a tragedy? Why can't I write happy fics? Idk. It’s a curse.
> 
> I've had this idea in my head for a while and I tried not to write it, but here we are. 
> 
> Anyways... enjoy!

Clarke feels empty.

She's sitting on her bathroom floor, her hair a mess and half naked. There’s an empty bottle of pills in the corner of the room and pills spread out all over the bathroom floor. She knew that this was all because of him. 

She swore she was never touching the pills again. 

But then Raven announced she was engaged on Facebook. And Octavia was pregnant. And her baby should've been born today.

And then she broke. Because they were getting everything she wanted. A husband, a baby, a life. But she didn't get those things, and she never will. 

She would've had Bellamy, but then they got the call that they found Echo, and Bellamy being Bellamy, just had to go to her. 

See, Echo was in the military when she and Bellamy dated. But then she went MIA and was presumed dead by the government. And, after years of healing, Bellamy moved on. To her, to Clarke. 

So when the phone rang Clarke answered the phone with a ring on her finger. The man asked to speak to one Bellamy Blake. When she handed Bellamy the phone she watched his face change from confusion to guilt. And when he told her that Echo was alive, and that he was going to Washington D.C. to help her recover (she was in extremely bad condition) she nodded and told him to do what he needed to do, even though it broke her. So she closed the door to their apartment without a ring on her finger.

After that, Clarke was doing OK. She woke up, went to her shift at the hospital where she was a trauma surgeon, then came home. She was going through the motions as some would say. Her friends tried to talk to her, to help, but. None of that mattered. It didn't help. It didn't bring him back. So she was moving on, living. 

Then she was pregnant. 

And Bellamy was gone. With another woman. For months probably until Echo healed. Or maybe forever. 

But she was keeping the baby. And she would tell Bellamy. Soon. She’ll tell everyone soon. Second trimester soon. 

Everything was fine. The pregnancy changed nothing. Except for the doctor appointments. She still went to work, she still ignored her friends, and she still ignored thinking about Bellamy.

On the week before her second trimester, she woke up to her white sheets colored red. 

The doctors said she did nothing wrong. 

The miscarriage wasn't her fault. Wasn't anyone's.

She didn't tell anyone. Not once. The only person who will ever know is her OBGYN, Atom.

And life went on. Except, Clarke started taking pills. Her therapist prescribed her to strong Anti-depressants. They made her life even worse. She woke up tired, went to work tired, and went to sleep tired. She stopped talking to people unless it was a necessity. She still talked to he patients, obviously, but she ignored her fellow coworkers when they asked her personal questions, she still didn't answer her friend's phone calls, and eventually they gave up. Everyone gave up on her.

She soon gave up in herself.

She quit her job 6 weeks after losing her baby. She barley left her apartment. And when she did, it was to get more pills. 

The pills slowly got stronger. Unprescribed. Illegal. 

Eventually, she lost all her curves, the curves Bellamy used to love. She could see her ribs when she breathed in, she lost all her weight. She lost all motivation. 

And she let herself stay like that for a while. But then she overdosed and had to go to rehab. 

Rehab helped, she thinks. She made friends who shared similar stories, she finally fit in. She wasn't the misfit anymore.

Then she finally went home after weeks in rehab. She went to weekly meetings. She was going to get better. 

But then she opened damm Facebook. 

And then she bought the pills again. She knew she should have called her sponsor, Murphy. But she couldn't. She always kinda knew that the birth date of her baby would be the day she goes. 

So she walked into her bathroom ready to die. She filled her mouth with pills, swallowed, fell to the floor, then threw the pill container and the remaining pills at the door. She watched in fascination with where the pills went. Some left, some right. Some bounded and some rolled. Some moved fast while others moved slow. But they all stopped moving eventually. They all stood still on the ground. 

She felt empty. Has since Bellamy left. Since she lost _her _child. And she's ready to stop living. To fall into the earth and rest. 

She soon felt the blackness coming. Everything was going blurry and things were quieting down. But she still heard the knocking coming from the door. 

She didn't bother to answer it though. Eventually, they'll come in and find her dead. At least now she knows she’ll be found soon and won't rot in this bathroom for weeks. 

Everything felt cold now. She could barely see now, everything was blurry. Her sound was drained away, so much so she didn't even hear the knocking anymore. 

But she did see the bathroom door swing open.

¥*¥  
  


Bellamy knew he made a mistake once the plane landed. But he felt obligated to do it. Him and Echo technically never broke up. So he left the love of his life to finish something. To tie up loose ends. Unfortunately, that Took a while. Echo understood why he moved on, and was happy for him. But he still stayed to help with her long recovery. 

She was taken by a terrorist group in Iraq for leverage, he learned. 7 years of being locked up gives you a lot of injuries. But he stuck through it. He called Clarke every day, even though she never answered. He started asking their friends about her, why she didn't answer, but they never knew because she wasn't talking to them either. 

It was 8 months later when Echo was healed enough to not need him. 

He was thrilled to go home to his lover. He was bouncing with excitement the whole flight. He couldn't stop smiling. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time. Not since he left.

When he finally made it to their apartment, he knocked because he's been gone for 8 months and she doesn't even know he's coming home. 

But no one answers the door. And after 5 minutes he take the key from under the mat and unlocks his door.

The apartment feels cold, a mess. The sink is full of dirty dishes, the living room is full of takeout food, the hallway to their room is full of clutter. It feels... _Depressing. _

He's looking around for any sign of life when he sees the bathroom door slightly open. When he walks in, he sees his princess. She's sitting against the wall looking tired. She's changed in the months since he'd last seen her. She's paler, skinnier. And when he surveys the room that's when he sees the pills.

He finally puts it together. His princess tried to kill herself. He moves closer to her, ready to call 911 when she grabs his hand and puts it on her stomach. 

She mumbles something that sounds like _baby shild’ve bean burn haday. _he doesn't know what she means, but he presses dial on his phone and gives them the information. 

7 minutes later and they're being loaded into an ambulance. He called all of their friends on the way to the hospital and they agree to meet there. 

Bellamy feels guilty. That's all he thinks about the ride to the hospital. If he hadn't left, Clarke wouldn't be close to death. They would've been married. But he chose to call off the wedding before he left. He doesn't know why he did. He just thought it’d be better for both of them. 

He was wrong.

When they get to the hospital the doctors are yelling out medical terms he doesn't understand. He remembers some doctors yelling that _it's Clarke. _

He sees the doctors starting to pump her stomach when a man with dark hair, blue scrubs and a white lab coat walks in. His name tag read Atom and when he looks over at Clarke be sees recognition flicker in his eyes. He runs over to her and starts talking to the doctors. One doctor, Raven Reyes he thinks, he remembers Her and Clarke were good work friends. Whatever he says, causes her to look up at Bellamy then back to Clarke. He sees tears start to well in her eyes and that's when another doctor pushes her away to continue working on treating Clarke. 

Raven walks backward and falls against a wall and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Bellamy feels slightly uncomfortable and confused. But he somehow finds a way for his feet to work and walks over to her.

”Did you know? Is that why you left?” Raven said to him. Anger is her new emotion, and she's glaring daggers at him while tears continue falling.

Bellamy crouches down to her level by the wall. ”Know what?” he asks. 

Raven must believe he doesn't know anything because her anger slips away slightly. ”She was pregnant” she whispers softly. 

Things start making sense now. Back in the bathroom, Clarke whispered that the baby - their baby - should've been born today. 

Clarke was pregnant when he left. 

And when he came back she wasn't.

It's all his fault. Everything. He never should have left. He should've stayed with his Fiancé. His pregnant Fiancé. But he left.

Nothing will ever change that. 

Clarke died at 12:08 PM. 

Bellamy sobbed for hours. They said she took to many pills and they didn't have enough time. 

Bellamy went to her funeral. Everyone who ever knew Clarke went to the funeral. It was beautiful and sad and just to painful for him to be at. So he left. He stayed in their apartment for weeks. And on the 3rd week, he got a visitor. The man was a lawyer, and was supposed to deliver a letter 3 weeks after Clarke died, her orders. 

He closed the door and sat down on his couch. He ripped open the envelope and set it on the coffee table while he started reading the letter 

_dear Bellamy,_

_I was gonna tell you about our baby, but then I lost it. I didn't mean to keep it from you. I just needed to keep it mine for a while. Until it became mine, yours, and Echos. But that never got to happen. And I think after I lost him, I broke. I was put on anti-depressants, strong ones, and that's when it started. Eventually I overdosed on xanax and after that, I got my life together again. I went to rehab and group meeting and got a sponsor. I didn't talk to anyone but people from my meetings, it was too hard and I was too ashamed. But, our baby was supposed to be born next week, Bell. And I can't do this. I thought I could, and maybe if you were here I could have. But you're not. And I'm done trying. I'm tired. _

_I hope you and Echo build a beautiful life together. Now that I'm gone that’ll be easy. _

_Your former love, Clarke_

Clarke died thinking Bellamy didn't love her. She died thinking that she was just a way to pass time for him. But Bellamy knew what they had couldn't be replaced. And it never will. 

Time can heal wounds, just not the wounds Clarke Griffin left. Time can't fix a shattered heart. And Bellamy never found it in him to love again. Never had kids. He spent his life thinking of the _what if’s. _

Their love story was a tragedy. No one died happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys don’t hate me. 
> 
> Please leave kudos and comment.
> 
> Love y’all♥


End file.
